Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
