So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
