The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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