her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
