Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
