i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
