Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
