Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
