is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
People in love make me want to vomit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
