He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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