Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
