Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
