I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
