I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
