Having a random hookup so left but love u
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize