2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
