I just pynch a tree in the face
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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