so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
