God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
