I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
