There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
