Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
