ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
