just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
