She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
