Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
