If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
