i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
