looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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