Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
