I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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