Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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