she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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