she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize