Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The uberlube is also flammable
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
