i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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