bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize