I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
