I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she smelled like a LAN party
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
