Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
