and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
