I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize