Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
