We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize