just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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