somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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