Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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