If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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