I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you never un-have a 4some
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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