she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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