when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
