I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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