so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
