i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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