well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ketchup is God's man juice
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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