Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
