Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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