It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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