Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
