So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
