roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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