oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i think i have two assholes
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
