Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you win again, gameday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
