epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
