I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
