Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
