Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
