the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
