How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
3pm strippers are depressing
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize